Living with borderline personality disorder

I'm so ready to give up. No day is a normal day. I'm so sick of my life and myself. I'm going on my dream trip to Japan on Thursday and I don't even know how to be excited about it. Do you think I'll be excited once I get there? I'll be there for 2 months. Any tips on staying motivated? I know I can be happy and believe me I want to be happy but sometimes it just feels like my body rejects it