would this bother you?

Question

My boyfriend just told me he'd never love a woman as much as he loves his brother.

Would this bother you or am I just being weirdly jealous?

Some background for you... (long story, sorry!)

We've been together 6 1/2 years, and throughout those years, he's definitely put our relationship at risk to help out his brother. 'Borrowing' him money every month because the brother can't pay his rent because he parties every night. Wouldn't be an issue because it's his money, but when he can't split the groceries or other bills with me because he's given the money to his brother, then it's a problem. I still usually brush it off because he says it's family and he can't say no.

Well now his brother is living with us because his lease was up and he stopped showing up to his job. He did get another job when he moved here but does not contribute towards groceries or when we go out to eat or do anything together. He doesn't have a license, so my boyfriend has to drive him to and from work 5-6 days a week. He uses his paycheck to buy beer and cigarettes even though he owes my boyfriend hundreds of dollars. I've told my boyfriend how I feel, but I feel so stuck because I don't want to come between family. My boyfriend has talked to his brother about his money and drinking problems, but his brother just gets defensive and nothing changes. I've also started paying for my own groceries and keeping them separate, and make my boyfriend pay for 2/3 of the bill when we go out. I'm hoping this will open his eyes to how much he's actually spending to support his brother. Or am I wasting my time because he's always going to choose family over me? Not sure where I stand in his life now.... I thought we'd be close to engagement at this point in our relationship but I'm giving up hope because he can't save money with him spending most of his money on his brother.

I'm honestly just about done with this situation and ready to move out. I could really use some advice!!!!

Answer

Well you have a choice to make. Either put up with it or force him to get his act together. He could talk to his brother all he wants but he is enabling his brother's habit. He's basically supporting his drinking g because his brother isn't forced to make independent choices for himself. He knows that he will be taken care of. He's actually hurting his brother more than helping even though he thinks he's helping. Anyway if he chooses to keep enabling his brother and can't contribute to actually taking care of you and the house then you are gonna have to leave or deal with it. They both seem to have issues. You also gotta get on your husbands back about making him make his brother contribute to the house.

Answer

Move out and let him f*** his brother.  Too harsh??! 😂😂

Answer

My SO is a twin so I definitely understand the brother bond. They have a different relationship dynamic than most. 
We've helped his twin and been badly burned by him. My SO was so hurt by the betrayal that their relationship is no longer close. However I know that they will always have that bond. If his twin really needed help again we would probably have to offer it. 
That said you need to have a talk to your SO. It's not about coming between them, and if your boyfriend had enough money to support his brother without having any impact on his life with you, I would say stay out of it.
Make sure you approach with care and make it like a team thing. Ask "what can we do to help your brother become independent?"  Approach it like you want to help, and do express your concerns that you guys won't be able to support the brother forever while building a future together. Definitely don't make any negative remarks about the brother or mention past choices. Make it all about going forward together as united front.

Answer

I would move out. Right now everything is okay for your bf because he has you and his brother and he has your income to help with too. But once you're gone then maybe he'll realize that working so his brother can be comfortable isn't okay. This isn't what you signed up for. Leave and say that you will move back when he's gone or when he pays for rent and groceries👍🏻

Answer

I know he wants to help his brother out but some people live life the way they do because they're lazy. It's very simple, just make it clear to your man that his bro gotta step.

Answer

This probably isn't any news to you, but your bf has to stop enabling his brother. The only way he is going to get on his feet is to make him do it on his own. If I was you I would probably be very very upset.

would this bother you?

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