Coping with death

In august my boyfriends little brother was murdered. He was 18 years old. Needless to say my love is shaken to his core. Ive never lost anyone close to me, not like this. I feel so much grief and i dont feel like i have the right to. He wasnt my brother. I only knew him for 4 years.. But he was our sons uncle, and im sad he will be too young to remember him.

Im afraid my boyfriend will never be the same. Actually im quite positive he wont be, of course not. I just dont know how to be there for him, be a mom, deal with my own grief, and be sane. Its a lot. I dont even know what im expecting anyone to say i guess it just feels nice to vent.