Shitty day..

I have just been so depressed today, like ive completely give up, so my baby shower was for November 5th i already had to reschedule it twice! And this one I planned for was over a month in advance, and it was for Texas roadhouse and very simple and etc! Well, now I been told people won't have the money to eat or whatever my mom and my fiances mom were telling me dont get defensive by it, but seriously how could I not? I planned it way ahead and still something comes up, I just decided not to have a baby shower at all, im so stressed and emotional its like i cant have the baby shower how i want it and they were saying the baby shower isn't about me, but umm last time I check it kinda is its mostly for the welcoming of my son that im carrying if that makes sense, anyways, all this evening till now I have not stopped crying, i feel with hate, anger and emotion and I just can't stop i was so hurt to where I was hyperventilating where my fiance had to calm me down! Like seriously I honestly feel no one is excited for my son nor care how i feel... it just really sucks, and they wanted to say im paying to much for the cake im getting made for my son for my baby shower but it's worth it to me, so many people spend alot of money on their baby shower, and they wanna flip out over a damn cake.... ugh! I've just had enough completely like i literally deleted all social media and etc, just so this stress and anxiety i have goes away for awhile and all. I've never felt this bad ever and it hurts bc i should be enjoying my pregnancy but instead I hate it so much! I just want my son here but at the same time I feel like my son wont be celebrated into this world the way I wanted it too... I know once he's in my arms all my worries and stress will go away..

Sorry for venting i just had too, even tho I been letting it all out, im just very hurt, my mom thinks I'm mad at her, i havent spoke to her since she talked to me about that... my fiances family thinks I'm ungrateful and that I blocked them and all kinds of bs but he's been sticking up for me and told them that I deleted social media and won't be doing a baby shower, idc what anyone thinks! This is more than a third time dealing with the baby shower and i feel like no matter what it's not gonna go the way i want it too!! 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢