Depressed pregnancy rant

After a devastating miscarriage & a year of ttc, I finally got pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant SO bad. Everyone knew how much I wanted a baby. I was pretty much obsessed. When I finally got my bfp, I was ecstatic and overwhelmed with fear that it would end in another miscarriage. But here I am, 39 weeks & 4 days pregnant with a healthy baby!! So why am I so unhappy? I was diagnosed with PUPPS a few weeks ago. Until about 25 weeks, I was stretch mark free and feeling pretty lucky. Then, very suddenly, my stomach, butt and hips had horrible, painful lines that looked like I was attacked by a lion. Eventually, the marks on my stomach became raised and very itchy. Finally, they were diagnosed as PUPPS. It was annoying, but bearable. I felt very fortunate that it was contained to just the one area. But of course, within days it spread like a wildfire. I am now completely covered in the bumps. Butt crack and all. I look disgusting. Like some kind of creature from a horror film. It looks like I have warts all over my body. People stare at me when I go to the store or to church. My family winces when they see me. I can tell my poor husband is disgusted as he rubs ointment on me. I've spent almost $200 on products trying to stop the itching. I spend hours researching online, making lists of what worked for others and then hoping it will work for me. Some things manage to provide slight relief very temporarily but there is no real relief. Each day the rash manages to spread more. I smell horrible from all the products I've tried. My entire house has started to smell too. I haven't slept in almost a week. I take 50 mg of Benadryl at night and am able to sleep for one hour, then I wake up scratching so bad I'm bleeding. I'm then up and scratching for good, too itchy to sleep. My husband and I spent hundreds of dollars and many many hours on Bradley method classes, as I have my heart set on a waterbirth. My ob says I should just get induced because of how bad the PUPPS are, but if I do, the waterbirth is not an option. So I've been toughing it out. Doing everything I can to try to start labor naturally, and praying this baby comes out. But now, I'm not even sure I will be able to stand the waterbirth because I can't even shower due to the itchiness. I just lay in bed all day and cry. I dont even feel excited about meeting my baby anymore because all I can think about is the itching. I feel so guilty but I hate being pregnant. I'm so angry that I wanted this so badly and prayed so hard for it and now it has become such a horrible experience. It has made me never want to get pregnant again. No one wants to be around me because I'm so irritable so I'm very lonely. I try to explain to my family why I'm so upset and they think I'm crazy because I'm so irritable from a little itching.  I just feel hopeless. Like I've lost the will the live. I don't care about anything anymore, I just want to stop scratching and get some sleep or just be content for more than 15 mins at a time.