Asexual or not?

Question

I've been so confused lately, I'm a virgin, never have been even close to having sex. I do get horny and turned on by watching porn and reading erotica but whenever I'm in a relationship I can't even think about having sex. Do you think I'm just not ready and haven't found the right one, or could I be asexual? I have had no desire to have sex with anyone I've been with even if I really liked them! Could I just have low sex drive? Please comment what you think!

Answer

I'm asexual (more closely identify as demisexual or gray-asexual), and your description matches a lot with my sexuality. I only experience sexual attraction if I have a really deep emotional connection, otherwise I feel nothing. I still have a sex drive and have turn-ons, but it is in no way connected to my sexuality.

You may be ace, or you may not be. You are the only one who can decide whether or not you fit that label. And sexuality can be fluid, so it's possible it can change throughout your life, or it stays constant. What I did was I sort of went with the flow. I questioned it, but gave myself a lot of time to analyze and figure it out. Either way, make sure people respect your sexuality and don't try to put yourself in situations you are not comfortable with. If you have no desire to have sex then you do not have to.

Answer

Personally I had a very similar experience before my current long term boyfriend. I did get turned on by open etc. I just didn't like the idea of doing it with other people. To the point where when I was with my ex boyfriend I loathed even kissing him. Over time I changed, and the romantic attachment and love i have for my current boyfriend made me want sex. You could just be in a patch of your life where you're figuring yourself out, I wouldn't say it was anything to worry too much about. When the right person comes along then you'll know if you're asexual or leaning toward a more grey-asexual (only agreeing to sex if You have a strong attachment to the SO) ❤

Asexual or not?

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