Just tough love or too harsh?

Question

My sisters son (6) has issues with still pooping and peeing in his pants. He was held back to pre-k last year because of it. They have had him checked out to rule out any medical issues and the doc pretty much told them that his problem is he is too lazy to get up and go when he needs too.

Well today he pooped his pants while a bath room was literally 5ft away and never said a word until she asked about the smell when they got home. So she proceeded to tell him that if he was going to poop his pants like a little baby then she was going to treat him like one. She walked him through the house by the hand to the bathroom, took his clothes off and got him cleaned up and got him dressed the whole time calling him little baby instead if by name. The boy had a pretty good rash so she doctored that and then sent him to bed. I saw no problem with her method as i know she has tried others as far as punishment for this behavior. But her mother in law chimed in that she was being mean to him and shouldn't resort to humiliating him like that, she said he is not a baby and shouldn't be treated like that. She even yelled at the older boy when he complained about having to pick up his brothers soiled clothes. My sister is expecting another child so i can see why her 6 year olds behavior is frustrating to her and i don't feel she was in the wrong and that her mother in law had no right to tell her how to raise her children.  But we were raised through tough love so maybe i am being biased. Is what she did tough love or just mean?

Answer

They ended up doing this with my cousin because no matter what they tried he just refused to use the toilet. They took him to counseling and held him back in school and everything and nothing changed his mind. Once they started treating him like a baby he got pissed off and that shit stopped real soon. Tough love isn't always a bad thing.

Answer

She didn't publicly humiliate him, it was in their house. I don't see an issue, maybe it's the movitation the boy needs.

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Loool that's nothing compared to what my mum would have done. A 6 year old still pooping his pants when there's nothing medically wrong with him? Not in my books. I see nothing wrong with what she did. 👌🏼

Answer

Your sister sounds frustrated. The mil sounds concerned. I'm a mom to 5 plus a stepdaughter. I've taken care of children for far longer than I've been a mom. Worked in schools.  Maybe it's time for second opinions. An evaluation with a therapist? I mean this in the most considerate way possible...something sounds off. That's really not typical behavior for a boy that age. I'm not beyond using the "you're not a baby anymore" with a potty training toddler. Leaving him in the soiled clothing long enough to develop a rash could be seen as neglectful. I understand she is trying to get her point across but she may want to reconsider. He may have a developmental issue that hasn't been realized by a professional. And potty training does have a significant impact on emotional & psychological development. Positive reinforcement is huge. Maybe she should have him clean his mess himself? Disappointment can be affective if it isn't harsh & is followed up with appropriate expectations. You want to break a bad habit not break a spirit. Just be careful. I think grandma is just concerned.

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This is a bit different but my son wouldn't stop peeing in the bed bc too lazy/scared to go to the bathroom at night (he has his own bathroom in his room) I started calling him a baby etc also. And also started putting pull ups on him at night  and referred to them as baby diapers. 
Any time he would pee in the bed or in his pull up he had to wash his laundry and his bed covers. 
That took about 2 months and he was sick of it. It cost a lot in detergent but we no longer have an every night problem with it.

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Her MIL is right, humiliating him will only make it harder to get him potty trained. If my mother treated me like that I would probably be scared to even mention toilets let alone tell her when I had an accident.

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My husbands 10 yr old nephew still can't wipe his own ass so mommy does it for him. It's insane. These children can do SO MUCH but people want to coddle them. A six year okd, who is otherwise healthy, should not be shirts in his pants. If the feeling of shitty pants isn't disgusting enough to make him want to go in the toilet, i dont know what is. However, if he acts like a baby already, calling him one and treating him like one may be a bad idea. He may regress even more. I suggest seeing a child therapist or something. And go back to potty training. If you interrupt his play time to keep sitting him on the toilet he might get annoyed enough to go when he has to.

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My nephew is 7 and won't go to the bathroom by his self, and he won't wipe his ass or flush the toilet. I blame that on my sister though because she doesn't do anything to change his behavior. I don't blame your sister at all.

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I would say tough love I have don't the same thang when my child went threw a stage of not wanting to use the bathroom you gunna act like a baby you gunna be called a baby and treated like one too I don't go for the poopin the pants or peeing the. When you clearly know how to use the bathroom and u older then 4

Answer

I don't think it's too harsh. I say look into positive reinforcement. It has many benefits to different things besides spotty training. It's actually used in many school systems. Also, I know someone who had trouble with one of her kiddos when he was 5. He was still in pull-ups right before kindergarten. He was just terrified of the toilet. So there honestly could be something else wrong. I don't think the child is lazy. Maybe suggest seeing another doctor? Having a second opinon from someone or even a therapist that knows a lot about children's behaviors in early childhood.

Just tough love or too harsh?

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