A couple things in summary:

He can't control his temper, even in public..this week in target I find a 5 dollar bottle of wine. I figure no big deal, he just went on a shopping spree 3 levis 5 shirts, all we needed was diapers and picked up an elf on a shelf. Sees the bottle of wine and goes "no" I say it's only 5 dollars..."I swear you go out of your way to make my life harder" he says. As both the woman cashier and women look at both of us (2 year old son in the cart) I put my head down , it's just embarrassing. More often than not he treats me like this or worse in public, someone is always watching.

A big blow out with his mum and dad. At one point we were all fighting. It started with how he was yelling at me (in front of his parents) about how I'm using the wrong and cheap knifes to cut the sweet potatoes. Very stupid. Anyways mum butts in after I've just had enough of him talking like this to me and says "oh you just hold on to everything for weeks months and years"...so of course that escalates. Then when they all need me to go to the zoo with them to get my discount, I say no. Who wouldn't? She calls me a bitch. Sitting on my couch in my house and calls me a bitch. So really escalated from there. End result I don't want anything to do with them. They aren't allowed to stay in my house. And just had to get a hotel room when they visited from England.

Skyping with my sons godparents (husbands best friend and his wife) yesterday...and I finally hear the truth about the trip up to England in July to his brothers wedding. I am not welcome (without an apology to his parents) to stay in the house. Which is fine, I do not want to be there in any case. But husband says that he wants them to see son on mornings and I am in hotel...meaning I'm away from my little boy for about 11 or so nights and sometimes days. I've never had a babysitter. I am more attached to my son after the 2 miscarriages, this will not happen. I've told him son and I will not be going to England. That I don't trust he will set up a hotel for us to stay in, even if he says it. That once I cross that border I have no control..no phone, friends, car, nothing. Too risky, so I've had to say no entirely. Although he didn't freak out....it will come it always does. So I've already hid our passports.

My husband tells me yesterday that the entire family situation is my fault. The broken family is my fault entirely. "He will never believe his parents are wrong till the day he dies". Yet.....Since the election he can't keep it to himself about "Americans", he's English and doesn't know if he can stay here. Needs to move home. But none of his family reaches out to us, his parents are...well his parents. I would be alone. So I finally told him, no I'm not moving to England. (And even though this whole time I'm saying I don't think I can do this anymore). I say just I'm not moving to England..... and he says than we need a divorce.

His company is relocating him to Colorado, we were supposed to move on January 1st. Deposit sent running backgrounds..it final stages. And I don't know if I can go? My mom (my best friend and support system) lives in Nevada. Being in California I'm a short distance away, I have people out there since living there for 10 years. I can work nights and have my mom watch my son and still go to school. I know absolutely nothing of Colorado and am taking all my possessions, cat, transporting car (which is not cheap!!), for what?

But I'm a full time student and sahm, and not near the end of degree to teach yet. I need to get this degree to teach, to show I can support my son. I can't loose my son. But I don't know what to do? I wish I could just see the end of the line so I know what to expect. Is my husband going to see what he is doing? Am I wasting my time?