Mourning twice today

I'm been TTC for about a year now. I was thrilled to find out in April that I was expecting my first, but sadly miscarried at 8 weeks. Today there have been two events that have brought my mourning back on full-tilt.

1. Got my af. AGAIN. I really thought we had it this time. Just can't stop thinking -another egg down the drain and I'm 34 so I know my chances of easily conceiving are fading every month.

2. Got a stupid diaper bag package on the mail because I forgot to unsubscribe from a maternity kit when I was pregnant the first time. Reminded me that I would have been 35 weeks along. I was going to have a Christmas baby and as the season approaches I'm feeling so much sadness.

I guess another reason could be that my sister in law is due any moment. I want to be happy but can't. We were supposed to be having our mat leaves together!

Can anyone else relate??