Don't judge, please, so heartbroken and confused

I feel heartbroken and sad and confused. I'm diabetic and lately i been having trouble controlling my sugar levels. Turns out I'm 8 weeks pregnant. According to the endocrinologist there is a very high risk for the baby to have birth defects if the heart, brain, spinal, or limbs. I'm considering having an abortion and it breaks my heart because i want this baby, we have been trying for 4 years!! But i have a 6yr old with Autism. I'm scared of dying and not knowing what will be of his life. And i know it's hypocritical of me to be saying this when i have a son with special needs. But if you were in my shoes you would understand. If i were to have this one it would be another life that i would be constantly worried about and fearing for myself for my husband, what would become of them if we were to die. It's a constant fear, constant struggled with our child, and to add another with special needs. I'm crying and i know i will get bashed on here for thinking this way because I've seen other girls being attack, i feel depressed and sad because i love this baby inside me, and i can't bring him into the world to suffer or to have an uncertain future. There is no one i trust with my child, let alone two with special needs. I'm so scared and i feel so alone. I can't stop crying.