Laying in bed, can't sleep, a thousand different thoughts running through my mind. I really just need a place to express myself and could use some kind words and prayers. So my mom has been suffering for the past 12 years from cirrhosis (end stage liver disease) and for the past 4 years from colorectal cancer metastasized (moved) to the lungs. I found out at the beginning of this year that her colorectal cancer had metastasized (moved) to her lungs and immediately thought to myself "I need my mother to meet her grandkids, see me get married, see me finish school.." I called my boyfriend (who is now my husband) and told him we needed to try for a baby ASAP he is in the military so I told him whenever he got back it was going down, we would see a doctor about it if we needed to I just needed to be pregnant like right now! The next morning I randomly decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive. We were ecstatic!!! We couldn't believe it!!! I told my mom a few weeks later and she was the happiest ive seen her. her health always seemed to be ok even though she had cirrhosis and cancer, she was able to live independently, drive, take care of herself, etc. But on the day of my baby shower (September 2016) she got sick. We tried to skip the shower and take her to the ER but she begged us to wait until afterwards, so as stressful as that was, we waited until afterwards. We decided to move her in with us to help take care of her. Since then her health has been rapidly spiraling downhill. She is very confused, weak, forgetful, doesn't eat, doesn't drink....the last two months of my pregnancy were horrible and so stressful. I was forgetting about myself and forgetting about my baby.. I was was way too depressed to care about anything else..my mom is my world and it absolutely kills me to see her this way. I had my baby 8 days ago and my mother (who was the most excited out of all of us) is asleep most of the day and doesn't seem to be as excited or happy about anything anymore. She just sits on the couch and sleeps all day long and then goes to bed. She isnt able to think clearly anymore, I can hardly speak to her, she doesn't understand anything. She is seeing one of the TOP health care teams in the United States. She has been in and out of the ER 5 times in 2 months..she is currently in the hospital, and today we were told that there was pretty much nothing that they could do for her. The chemo is killing her, her bones are so frail she is not to be resuscitated if her heart gives up. My heart is broken. And the whole time she didn't really understand what the doctors were saying. They talked about palliative care (which is kind of like hospice) and idk...I just can't believe this is happening. I wanted so badly for my mom to be apart of her first grandsons life. The main reason I decided that i wanted to try to conceive was because of her..and it hurts when we left the hospital today she says to My son "grandmas going to fight and live a long time"....it just hurts. She obviously didn't understand what the doctor was saying at all....I don't know how to explain it to her, to get her to understand that she is dying.. How this whole thing happened this way still confuses me.. I wanted this all for her!!! I beg God for a child and was given an answer the next day. And she gets sick the day of my baby shower...and now a week later after baby is born is told there is nothing they can do to prolong her life....I'm so sad.. any kind words or advice anyone can give me will really help. I don't know where else to turn to