Hurt and confused

Just need some advice or to maybe just get it off my chest. My boyfriend of 4 years and I just had our little girl on Oct 14th last year around this time he wanted to take a break. Apparently he was bored. He ended up getting with a co worker / old friend while he was keeping me on the side telling me he still loved me and that he knew he would never marry anyone else ect. So basically I'm his girl but he wants others too. We ended up fixing things getting back together obviously and had my pride and joy I would never take that back. I'm 6 weeks post partum and we just broke up again for the same thing with the same girl. I just can't help but believe him when he says I'm the one he wants to be with, but if he did why wouldn't he be here now, with his family. I have to find a place to live while I'm breastfeeding and after 6 months I'm out. But until then I'm here feeling like I'll never be good enough for him I'll never be the one he can truly be happy with, while he texts and hangs out with the same girl who put our relationship on hold blob the first place. I'm so hurt and so confused I feel disgusting after I had my daughter and I'm not feeling like I can even look at my self in the mirror let alone me confident. Idk sorry for all that didn't want to read this I just need advise or opinions just to get this all of my chest.