Ok so this is a little bit of a rant, mostly my fears of an upcoming birth. Something that is new to me, I am very good with pushing the baby out and thinking of that doesn't scare me either, but certain family is thinking I'm losing it and certain comments have me mad and realizing I can't talk about these fears with the family because then I'm just being "weird" or "unrealistic"...so this is my third baby(due in 4 weeks-Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>), my first was 7.5 lbs, second was 9.5 lbs. they both had to be induced, contractions for a few weeks, dilated the first few days and then stopped. I'm fine with the whole inducing, I actually expect it by now. But now my fear is size. I've heard of the third being smaller and bigger than the last, and I get that it is what it is, there's nothing that is going to change how big he's growing in there. But my doctor scheduled a growth ultrasound on Tuesday so we can somewhat have an idea of what he maybe(yes I know they are slightly off, but mine have always been accurate only varying by a few ounces). Doctor said no matter what she would only early induce at 39 weeks but would/could talk about sweeping membranes starting at 37 weeks. I want the baby to cook as much as possible and come out heathy and strong. But am really freaked out by the idea of a csection. Like heart races, can feel my blood pressure go up freaked out by the idea of a possible csection. And the doctor said we may need to since #2 had a slight fraction on his collar bone that he got while coming out(he healed fine but if this one is bigger he could have a worse injury with different results). I want nothing but safety for my baby, I just can't handle the thought of being cut open. Apparently it's not something I should worry about(family) so I thought there had to be someone who gets my worries here or maybe even is reassured knowing their not the only one freaking out. Because even being my third, I'm starting to freak out and like I said before that's a first for me. I know women have cseactions all the time and are fine but I don't do medical stuff on my body. I can push a baby out, I can do it without an epidural and not be worried before hand but this new possibility is not working for me! 😩