Anyone worried about/dealt with postpartum depression?

Question

I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, and bipolar. I'm off of all meds aside from Zoloft because that's the only thing approved safe for me by my psych and OB (that's also the only med I'm approved for when it's time to breastfeed). Being pregnant has been exciting, but I'm terrified about PPD. I've been very open about it with my doctor and my husband, but there's no real way to be prepared.
I held a newborn today (I'm 34w) and I just felt nothing. Everyone was cooing at her and "oh she's so cute," but I didn't even feel right holding her (I'm also having a girl). I honestly couldn't wait until someone took her from me (she wasn't even crying).
I'm so worried there's going to be a disconnect when it's my baby. The chemical imbalance in my mind is completely unpredictable especially having bipolar 1.

Does anyone have any tips of ways to be prepared if this does happen to me? My husband tries but doesn't understand the illnesses- is there anything I should be telling him that I possibly haven't yet?

Answer

I'm in the same boat. I talk to my counselor about it regularly. I take my Zoloft. Because you have prenatal depression and it's something you had pre pregnancy you will most likely have some form of post partum. That doesn't mean you won't connect with your baby or you will harm your baby. There are many different forms of post partum. Some women become overally possessive of their baby and don't want anyone else to hold or feed or change the baby. What is helping me is talking with my counselor about all the different signs and symptoms so that I am aware of what to be on the lookout for. I share as much as I can with my husband so he can also be aware if he sees anything on his end. All you can do is be as prepared and as aware as possible and make sure you're getting all the help you need. Try not to stress, I know it isn't easy, but you are not alone!

Answer

My cousin just had her baby 2 months ago and she is also going through a divorce so is really stressed. The baby is really fussy and wont sleep at nights. She admitted that she slapped him one night out of fraustration. Its scary because it could have been worst. Geting help at early signs.

Answer

I can definitely relate in a lot of ways. I had PPD with my first and it took me about 9 months to come clean with it. It was like I knew I had it but I was ashamed or didn't know how people would take it. I think being aware is the first step! Going into knowing it's a real possibility no matter who you are helps. 
And I will tell you this, even in the moments where I struggled to feel much I always knew I loved my son. In those moments knowing that truly in my heart I loved him, despite what my emotions were/were not doing was what kept me going. 
Just try to keep watch with the signs and symptoms and when you get home try to be involved with a lot of the baby tasks (without wearing yourself out too much) it helped give me purpose!

Anyone worried about/dealt with postpartum depression?

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