Healing through poetry

Longing ( 5/20/13 )

The sound of laughter of a young boy

Fills the room as he plays with his toy.

A cute little smile creeps upon his face

As the toy car vrooms pleasingly to his taste.

He plays alone so quietly,

And looks away quickly when our eyes connect so shyly.

I can't remember what his name was,

But he looked like he could fit in with the Johns or the Jonah's.

Either way, after seeing him my mind to begin to race,

Wondering what it'd be like to have a little boy just like the one at this place. 

How it'd be to wake to the loud cries

And answer all the questions about the stars in the skies.

I'm missing out on all the experience

To not have that missing piece kinda makes me furious.

What's wrong with me?

Why don't I have me a little baby?

I do all the right things,

But yet I still don't see that cute little face smiling as he plays with the angels in his dreams.

Longing for the feel of the soft curly hair upon his head,

Longing for that cry for Mommy to get the monsters from under his bed.

Longing for the sweet, cute little kisses

And all of the "Happy Birthday" wishes.

Longing for something I may not get to ever have,

But never thinking "That's something I'm not suppose to have."

Finding out can take so long,

So until then all I can do is long.

Long for what others take for granted,

For what many can't even manage.

So until the day comes where I don't have to hope and wish and pray,

"Maybe someday" is all i can say.

I wrote this three years ago when I first started TTC. My dream finally came true 10/29/16 when I got my BFP after being diagnosed with PCOS in May. Now I'm back in the same mood after a silent miscarriage at 8 weeks. It's so hard being strong. On top of it all, I still have school and finals. How can I ever focus? I'm so lost. 😔 We have great family and support, but I can't help but want to be alone.

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