Feeling so disheartened

This month marks 12 months of trying for number 3. Part of me feels guilty posting as I feel so much for all those trying for number 1. But at the same time I have that longing that just won't go away. I'm on that same monthly rollercoaster.

Today I started spotting again. Af due in 3 days. All the usual pms symptoms are there. It's hard because hubby doesn't get it or feel it as deeply and I feel like I can't talk to anyone. But my heart is breaking. Hubby wants to stop even trying but I just can't give up on that bubba yet. So I keep praying and hoping. But it's getting harder and harder to believe. 💔