old memories...there haunting me

(Sorry that this is so long.) 

Tonight I lost it.... I literally had a metal break down about things in my past coming up, and it was all set off by two simple phrases that my sister in law and mother in law didn't even know about. I feel horrible. Like I'm going to be the worse mom ever. 

You see when I was growing up I loved and still love children, but every time  baby came around or I could hold one my mother would tell everyone in the room how much I hated babies, how I don't want a family, how my younger sister would be a better mother than me . I don't know how to handle children, and so forth. She even went so far as to tell me a week before I got married that since I "didn't want kids" I should just go get fixed...  

I've always been the black sheep and pushed to  the back, but now since I'm with child they are "painting me" as the golden child. 

I was holding a family members baby tonight and she stared to cry because it was past her bed time and and I was literally the last to hold her. My sister in law freaked out when I said I wanted to hold her like I shouldn't ever want to hold someone's baby. After she started crying and I gave her back to her mom, my mother in law said " you just didn't have the touch." Meaning I wasn't who she wanted... but it flipped a switch and made all those memories and what my mom said to me growing up come back up. I became upset and I called it a night early. Has anyone very felt this way to? Am I out of line? It's hard to overcome everything I was told and  who tells their daughter they are going to be a bad mom.. it haunts me... how can I get over this?? Advice needed.. I can't wait to meet our little boy. I've been trying for 3 years for a baby and we finally got him... and now these memories are haunting me..  I feel crazy and horrible. Help.