selfish rant.
So I've been trying to get pregnant for 16 months. And I have a super good fried who started trying after I had been trying for a year. Well she got pregnant on the 3rd month of them trying. It's a weird feeling to genuinely be happy for somebody but crushed at the same time. She called to tell me she was pregnant and I bawled after I got off the phone. And I'm not a cryer. Now she is 12 weeks pregnant and starting to show. And to be complete honest I don't like seeing her belly grow. It's selfish of me, but I don't like seeing it. The other day I heard her tell somebody "yeah I'll be huge pregnant in the summer, I'm not too happy about that". I was like " I'D LOVE TO BE HUGE PREGNANT IN THE SUMMER!!!!" She tells me all the time "you need to get pregnant so we can be pregnant together!" She's not trying to be rude or mean, but it still hurts.
I was actually happy she didn't get pregnant in the first two months of them trying because I wanted somebody to know what I was going through. I'm not proud of that, but that's how I felt. She is a way better friend to me than I am to her. She knows we had been trying for a long time before they were. I'm not saying she shouldn't have gotten pregnant because we were trying first. I'm not saying that at all! I'm just saying it sucks. And it kind of feels like I get my face rubbed in the fact that she's pregnant and I'm not every time I see her. We go to the same church and MOPS group and have the same firends. So we see each other multiple times a week.
Ok, pity party over, thanks for reading.
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