TMI Rant about hemorrhoids

My hemorrhoids are getting in the way of sitting comfortably while I nurse my baby, they hurt when I stand, when I walk, when I lay down, when I sit, basically in any position. Every single bowel movement after giving birth they've flared up and I want to crawl out of my own skin every time I go because it just hurts that bad. At one point I had diarrhea for almost 4 weeks straight (still don't know why, but the BRAT diet helped) and that had me taking 2 ibuprofen before each BM and still left me crying and in pain the rest of the day. A few times I've gone, wiped, and there was bright red blood (that hasn't happened for at least a month though). It still hurts JUST AS BAD, if not worse than before. I have a smaller puffed out part and another puffed out part that is 3 times the size of the smaller one. I wipe with medicated wet wipes for hemorrhoids. I use suppositories. I use Preparation H ointment/cream/whatever. I use witch hazel pads. I feel like literally nothing I'm doing is helping them get better.

I don't know how severe my case is, I really don't want to go to the doctor because it's embarrassing, I will go soon though if this BS doesn't calm itself down!

No ammount of water helps. No change in my diet helps. Stool softeners don't help. Sometimes I'll be sitting in a position where I don't feel the pain and then all of a sudden it's like I'm sitting on razor blades!

PLEASE, GOD, JUST LET MY SUFFERING END.