I was engaged to him for about three months . 

When we were happy ; when we were good we did the impossible and it just felt like we were the happiest couple alive.

But when an argument spiked , all Hell broke loose. He would say things to me to make me feel bad about myself, growing up I was raped and I had zero confidence in myself. Until he came along. When he told me that I was beautiful , I believed it. His words were magic. So when he would tell me I'm fat, I'm hideous, and that there were several girls in line waiting for him, guess what? I believed that more and my self confidence dropped further down to the ground. When he would slam me against windows, hit my back knowing that I've been going to physical therapy for a year now; due to lower back issues, pull my hair out, give me bruises on my upper arm, give me a busted lip and two swollen eyes.. sometimes I felt that I deserved it. Because when he was happy, he'd spoil me and respect me and love me.

Nobody knows this, and nobody knows that I had unprotected sex with him five times and I may be pregnant. Nobody knows that there may be a chance a man who would watch his own father beat his mother as a child may be the father to the fetus in my stomach.

And yet, I'm still unsure as to whether I want my period to arrive .. or not.