I'm crazy. Embrace or shame?
My boyfriend and I are crazy. But with that being said, our crazy matches each other. While my mom literally called me a phycopath for screaming and throwing a fit in my room one day when he went missing, he thought I was powerful to have went through that and still search for him unlike everyone else that just assumed he was fine. I called hospitals, jails, shelters, went to all his hotspots, asked everyone knew him... his job, his friends, his mother, his ex.. I did this consistantly to keep myself busy until finally he called me from an unknown number days later!!
Anyways!! Our first date did it for me. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced. We literally slept in a walmart's parkinging lot after the movies. We cuddled, talked, and kissed so deeply while sitting in that car, boarderline freezing cause it was winter. Our bodyheats alone was all we needed.. we both had homes and beds but rather be there with each other because the date was just not suppose to end!
He looks me in the eyes or sometimes pulls my head in close with his hands and brings his lips to my ear... and says in the most soul piercing, deep, emotioned full voice.. "...I love you..... I cherish you..... I need you.... I adore you.... you are mine... you understand that?..."
Some may think he's crazy. He even admits sometimes that he's never felt so insane saying something to someone ever before.. because no one else yet has peeked these emotions from him.. and he knows how it could be perceived from the outside looking in.. but I literally feel him heart grabbing for me through his words...
I'm crazy too.. always been. And we're crazy for each other. Both of us are discovering just how strong our love is and how powerful it stands. Want to know what motivated me to continue looking for him when he went missing (while he was trapped in a car during a snowstorm in a different city)?
One time, I asked him literally the month before he went missing what would he do if I ever disappared? He replied instantly and coldheartedly "I would search the entire world for you. And if I couldn't find you or you were found dead, I would kill myself." I couldn't believe it.. a perfectly sinful answer that only a helpless romantic can honor..
This love runs deep. It's dangerously deep. It's thrilling. I want him and his love forever.
Sadly, everyone outside tells me to cool it. That I shouldn't care so much. That I should put one foot in and another foot out. That I should never show him that I need him.. that I can be fine with or without him. I love myself.. but myself equals borderline insane behavior. I wouldn't even call is obsessive but more like addicted.
But my soulmate is me. Everything said from his mouth is music to my ears.
Every person is different. Every connection is different. Doesn't that make everyone love different and those outside of it just don't understand? As long as I'm happy and he's happy, isn't our relationship healthy? 💕
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