Am I being too hard on him?

Question

This might be long and I'm sorry for that but I really just need to vent😖 I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are currently engaged. He smoked before we got together.. My grandmother, dad, step mom, mom, and step dad all smoke so I've been around it my whole life but I've never bothered to pick up a cigarette except for maybe 2 or 3 times but never smoked the whole thing. Recently my grandmothers health has gone extremely down hill. She has 11% of her lungs left plus other health issues and the dr said that she can't have a lung transplant because he doesn't think she would even make it through the surgery. My grandmother has been the only one who has stuck by me through anything and everything. Even when my parents didn't... I've talked to him about how much this effects me and how I would like for him to quit smoking because I don't want to have to go through this with him when we're older. He agreed to quit smoking and promised to quit once he finished the pack of cigarettes he was smoking at the time. Which was MONTHS ago! And tonight I found an empty pack of cigarettes plus a half full pack on top of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I usually don't look up there but I was trying to find something so I climbed up to look and that's when I saw them... He promised that the money he was going to save from not buying cigarettes was going to pay for our wedding. He hasn't saved ANYTHING!! And wonders why I'm so upset right now. We had a huge screaming match and he decided to turn it around and put the blame on me because "I don't know what it's like to smoke for years and then quit" but he never quit! I don't know what to think! Am I really being that hard on him or is it just him getting into my head?!😭

Answer

Ok this "it's incredibly hard to quit" non sense is bull shit. My boyfriend smoked around me and if I'm around it too long I have issues because of health problems in the past. He stopped doing it around me when in closed areas like his car because of it. Then on my birthday he was in the ER for stomach pain that they thought was a hernia possibly and he had to follow up with a surgeon but one of the discharge instructions was not to smoke if he did. He'd smoked for 4 years probably. On that day, when he got out he basically binge smoked or whatever a whole pack or two until I couldn't take it anymore I cried because I was worried about his health. He hasn't gotten me anything for my birthday yet because I still hadn't told him anything that I'd like so I told him for my present, for your health, and to help you save money quit smoking. He let me take what he had left and burn it. Got rid of all the many many many empty boxes. He quit cold turkey and hasn't smoked sense. My birthday was October 3rd and it's now January. The first three days are the hardest because it's ok your system still but after that it's not so bad. You can smell and taste better. Don't believe anyone's bull shit when they say it's hard. If you want to quit you can.

Answer

Totally get where you're coming from. Take some time to cool down and try to talk with him again.

Answer

It's incredibly hard to quit smoking. Often it takes a few attempts. I imagine that, given you've not smelt it on him or seen evidence until now, he has cut down considerably. Maybe even to only 1 a day. I understand why you're angry and upset. You don't want him to smoke himself to death. Keep the pressure up but he may have a couple of slip ups before he makes it

Answer

HE LITERALLY JUST WALKED BY ME  TO GO OUTSIDE WITH A CIGARETTE ALREADY IN HIS MOUTH!!!! You've got to be kidding me!!!!😡💔

Am I being too hard on him?

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