the first time

I honestly get really upset when I hear songs or whatever about losing virginity or the first time and stuff. I was raped when I had sex for the first time. I was passed out and it was a really traumatizing experience, so I always just wanted pretend that wasn't my actual first time, but it's hard cuz it happened. I'm always afraid I'm gonna be with a group of people and they talk about that stuff and I'm just gonna breakdown or have a panic attack or something. I just feel like the only one who didn't have the cliche awkward/ cute first time and it makes me really depressed. Is there anyone else that had an experience like this? How do you get completely past it?