choice / conception

I struggle with the enormity of this. From the start of choosing to have a child to the weight of implications that follow having a child, back to, do I want to be stuck in this limbo of "to conceive or not to conceive"...? I don't know if it's my head or my heart telling me to ... follow with child to the next generation. It's my nature to analyze and go too deep, and my husband (true match that he is) helps me simplify my perspective. I love him for this. He is the person full of love that makes me feel safe enough to have a child. It's no easy feat and yet people do this all the time. Accidental pregnancy, hasty decision making, I can't help but to ask myself do I want to commit? Can I commit? And here I am 8 years later showing myself, yes, you can do commitment and love, and receive love. I come from a pretty damaged family background (not all) but enough trauma that shaped a longer road of hardships. Therapy has helped, but it took me a long time to love myself. Coming to love another person is it the same as loving a new? Is it the same as loving a part of myself? Yes - I want to share this time with another being made from my flesh.. to take care and face the true test, of self love.