Sex with vanilla hubby 😣

Help me ladies! Mine and my bf sex life kinda sucks. Soo we have been together for eight years. We've had our problems he's cheated I kept staying etc. Not long ago I got tired of everything from no attention him sleeping on couch not listening always gone doing something not appreciating me and everything else and I know this was wrong but I left. I say it was wrong BC I should've meet trying to talk about the problems and he wanted no part it just caused more so I left yes u can say I cheated to I guess but was first ever I've done that. Well it got his attention. Technically we wasn't together for a month already when I left. But still living together BC I had nowhere else to go. But yes it was still wrong. Anyways I left and somehow he talked me into coming back he will change and all that. Well he has changed. Started sleeping with me having sex with me listening to me talking to me all the things ur posed to do. We decided to try and work our issues out and communicate with each other. Well for one he won't stop constantly talking about my wrong doing keep in mind I was o ly gone a week and a half but still had come here everyday to get my daughter off the bus and stuff (more to that) so I'd still see him everyday and each day he'd beg for me to come back. But now yes we been talking more but he constantly talking about my wrong doing. Constantly thinking I'm cheating I've gave him all access to everything fb my phone everything and I'm always at home. He gets a little better with that but its still constant. Anyways getting off topic. We've been trying to improve our sex life also. Granted its hard for me to talk and open up to him BC when I do he takes everything to heart and talks bad about his self and oh ur gonna leave me anyways crap even though I reassure him like 24-7 I'm not. But he will turn things around when I say sumn that bothers me or needs improvement. Anyways in the bedroom I'm not completely satisfied anymore I used to be but not bow. I like being submissive and like being donimanted he's not into that. And he has trouble holding it in until I finish. So the other night I didn't exactly finish before he did and I got brave and told him for first time even though its happened a lot more and he finished me with one if my toys but he's so hard on himself and talks about I can't do my hob maybe u would've stayed gone ur gonna leave me anyways blah blah blah stuff. Granted its not as boring BC I finally talked him into getting more toys getting more things I like and letting him try however he don't want me using them he wans to be able to do it himself but I like that stuff toys bondage all that and I've been telling him some. But he's still vanilla. He can make me squirt now so that was something new and I love it but its not enough. He can never hold it in long enough until I'm completely done so most of the time I tell him I'm good so he won't feel bad and put himself down or start talking all the other things but I like it rough I want someone who can still fuck me and hold it in until I'm done Cummings if that makes sense he has to stop to early right when I'm about to. We have toys and got starps and other things on its way even sumn for him I finally talked him into trying but its like I can't say nothing sexual without him being hard on himself or bringing that stuff up. Its fun in the bedroom but its not enough and idk what to do. We are still working on our issues and I still get irritated now more then ever with having to 24-7 reassure him I'm not doing nothing or going nowhere and the arguing and his always negative thoughts constantly thinking sumn is going on even when its not. Idk. Venting I guess looking for help in all areas. I guess. Thanks ladies