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Feeling sad and guilty about it

Just found out a friend that I was going through this infertility journey with is pregnant. She was supposed to start IVF this month and her getting pregnant story is the stuff infertility urban legends are made of. I'm so incredibly happy for her and wouldn't wish IVF on my worst enemy but after 1 failed fresh and 1 failed frozen cycle, I can't help but feel horrible and jealous. And I feel so guilty. She is a wonderful person and truly deserves this. But as happy as I am for her, I'm so sad for me. I feel like I am a horrible person. 
M
Posted at Feb 10, 2017 โ€ข 55 responses

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Ha
Posted at Feb 16, 2017
Don't feel bad, we're all hypersensitive because of what we're going through and can't help it. I've been exactly the same after what feels like everyone I know getting pregnant really quickly or just before starting IVF ... or worse still unplanned and moaning about it! The close friends who know about me are all acting weird and won't talk to me about their babies for risk of upsetting me! Or they ask too many questions about what is happening and when and sometimes I don't want to talk about it. The truth is- Nobody can say the right thing. I've just had to try and focus all of my energy on being positive and thinking of myself. The only person being affected by the negative feelings is us x
M:  I think that myself all the time! I really don't get people sometimes. I'm feeling good, trying to stay positive and believe that this will happen for us. I hope you are doing the same. Hope is all we have right now so we've gotta try to stay positive. I'll be thinking of you. Keep me posted!
Ha:  Hi ๐Ÿ‘‹ we've had one transferred and 3 frozen, the rest were no good. Feeling ok and trying to keep positive. How are you feeling? I had a difficult convo with a friend on Saturday, had to filter it all out and just ignore her! What is wrong with people?!!
M:  Just checking in. How did today go? Wishing you so much luck!
Ch
Posted at Feb 11, 2017
I just found out my friend got pregnant by accident with her partner (they've only been together 2 years) and they are expecting twins! I've been Ttc for over two years with my partner of 6 years and had surgery etc for my fertility. 
I'm really happy for them but still feel really bitter, jealous and sad for me because i wasn't expecting the news and I should be the one who is pregnant and sharing happy news. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that when my time comes.. My baby will be so much more loved and wanted then anyone can imagine and also my baby will be one of the most precious ever because of the struggle and fight just to achieve pregnancy. 
So trust me you are not alone and your fealings are valid!
M:  Yes! That's exactly how I feel. Like I'm broken into a million pieces and I have no idea how to put them back together. I'm sorry we are all going through this. All we can do is hope and pray that one day we will be successful. You're in my thoughts as well.
Ja:  Omg.... I am not alone my BFF and me have been trying and she is 5 weeks pregnant now like I am so happy for her but jelly at the same time I feel so horrible inside all the baby tsk is killing me .
Ch:  ... Heart was breaking into a million pieces. The same friend told me only 2 months ago that their condom broke and had to get the morning after pill, well I guess none of that worked and she still ended up expecting twins. Why can't it be that fucking easy for me???? You are in my prayers. Xx
St
Posted at Feb 17, 2017
Jealousy and happiness are not mutually exclusive feelings. I think any of us on the infertility journey can 100% relate to what you're saying. You absolutely are thrilled for your friend and keep supporting her but there is always the "why not me" thought in the back of your head. Totally understandable! I think most of us here can sympathize with you. *hugs* and don't feel bad at all!!! 
Ha
Posted at Feb 10, 2017
You are not horrible! It is totally natural to feel this way. I just always had to remind myself that I wasn't wishing my friend wouldn't have gotten pregnant, I was just sad that it hadn't happened for me. You can be happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't give up!
Ad:  i think a lot of us can relate to this. your not horrible, your human. its okay to feel this way. i believe that there is a time for us all to bring a life in this world, and for those who feel like giving up...please don't. it's just not the time but its coming. what god have for you is for you. He have a special surprise for you, trust that.
M:  Although I'm finding is harder and harder these days. Sometimes the sadness is just overwhelming.
M:  Thanks Halle. I just found out so I think I'm just taking it really hard at the moment. I definitely won't give up, that's not my style! :)
Sh
Posted at Feb 16, 2017
Don't feel bad . I had a best mate who last year fell pregnant with a guy she had just hooked up with. She them went really funny on me despite me wishing her well getting her flowers a card and a candle. I went to her baby shower and felt like a stranger. She had always wanted a man and a baby who doesn't!!! but part of me felt very hurt and angry at being cast aside now she had her perfect family to be set up. I then felt resentful that this happened just like that for her especially after the way I had been pushed out. I work in a school 7 women out on maternity in past few months been a baby boom in our school. I am delighted for them but secretly u are praying that you will be the next with some good news .
M:  Totally agree Sarah. Baby dust to you as well!
Sh:  baby dust and luck to you all x
As
Posted at Feb 17, 2017
I'm feeling that myself today, M. My sister in law just gave birth to her first this morning and I hate her for it. I'm trying to remind myself that she went through two miscarriages first so it's not like she didn't "work" for it or "deserve" it but damn I wish it were me instead. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ
M:  That's great. Glad you won't have to wait too long. Good luck with everything and keep me posted!
As:  She thinks as long as I can be scheduled early next week to remove it I can start the FET cycle after my next period - so maybe early to mid-March? The operation to remove the polyp is an outpatient procedure so hopefully it won't take much time to recover. Should be no cutting.
M:  Interesting, I didn't know that. But then again, my embryos weren't PGS tested. How long will it take to remove? When will you be able to do your next transfer?
Je
Posted at Feb 15, 2017
You are not a horrible person. You're normal. Infertility is such a struggle you can't help but feel sad when it works for someone else. I've gone thru this with everyone I know as I watch them get pregnant and I don't. It's devastating every time I hear of another one. Then I get used to it and can stop feeling so sad. It will be our turn soon! Baby dust for everyone! 
Je:  I know I find that so annoying. People are so insensitive because they're so clueless. Think before you say something.
St:  its the comments oh you not having one that get me. yeah sure it's that easy I'll get grab one out of the oven.
M:  Thank you Jennifer! I'm hoping this is our year!
Mi
Posted at Feb 17, 2017
Try and remember that her becoming pregnant doesnt take anything away from you and your road to success. You should celebrate with a bottle of wine, which she cant drink anymore ;)
Je:  Yes! You can still have wine! That's something to smile about ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿท
M:  Haha. Great idea! You're so right, but some days it's just so hard not to let it all get to you. Wine always helps though and chocolate!
Ma
Posted at Feb 17, 2017
The first time it happened, i was a little sad. Thankfuly after hearing the news from so many couples, close family at that, i am only happy and excited for the babies. Imagine it was u who had the news, after all the struggle. Would you want your friend to be happy or jealous? Whats meant to be yours will never miss you. Stay hopeful and enjoy other people's news as you would like yours to be cherished.
Dr
Posted at Feb 14, 2017
Yes it can be hard and if it does not happen don't  beat yourself up!!  Sometimes they make women think that you are less than if you don't have a child. You can do great things with a child or without ๐Ÿ’œ but be careful not to put you feelings onto your friend remember if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to feel supported and loved. Stay positive for you And your friend. Everything will work out !
M:  Thanks Dradia!

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