Could I possibly have antepartum depression?
This might be a little long.. But here goes. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I'm excited for my baby, but I can't help but feel like I threw my early 20's away. I was the girl who everyone least expected to get pregnant. I graduated with special honors and in the top ten in my high school class. My first two years of college I made the deans list. I felt like I had everything going for me.. Until I got pregnant. This pregnancy has been so rocky for me emotionally idk what to do. Every time someone close to my mom or a family friend finds out that I'm pregnant they're so surprised and they're just like wow... But not in a good tone. They always expect the pregnancy to belong to my sister since she's married. One lady even said "oh I know it's not olivia she's too smart to do that". I feel like a disappointment to others but mainly to myself. It feels like I just let go of college years that I'll never get back. Other kids on campus are excited about this trip and that trip or studying abroad and I feel like I'll never have that again. In a way, I do feel like I just signed my life away to be another "young black girl with a baby". These thoughts constantly reoccur and they bother me. Im always crying and worrying. I'll worry so much that I'll make myself short of breath. I worry that me and the father won't work out. I worry that I won't be a good mother. I've always been very very emotional and sensitive and it feels like now im about to explode. What do you ladies think? I was in counseling for something else but I stopped going about two or three months ago for various reasons... I never told her these feelings though. It really hit home when I officially moved out of my dorm before Christmas break. That was heartbreaking. What do you ladies think? Also, this pregnancy was not planned at all.
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