My body is a wreck, I'm mentally drained, my significant other is awful to me, and if it weren't for my baby, I would kill myself.

Let me preface this by saying, I know I should leave but I have nowhere to go. There's no one I can stay with and I can't afford to make it on my own. I'm trapped.

Let's start out with my body. My boobs are uneven, my areolas are huge and puffy because of breastfeeding, one of my organs is literally falling out of my vagina, my stomach is saggy, and I have 5 hemorrhoids the size of Texas.

Ever since my baby was born he's gone on and on about how we're "just roomates" because I don't want to have sex. He says he's kidding when I get mad at him for saying it, but is it really kidding when he says it 3 times a day, every day for months?

Ever since he found out about my prolapse, he's expressed annoyance that we can't have sex, told me that I'm worthless to him now, and told me I probably can't have any more kids and to love my son because he's the only baby I'll ever have. He says he's kidding about all that stuff, but how can he keep "kidding" like this when I've expressed that it hurts me. He's never once asked if I'm okay or how I'm feeling. I mean, it's my fucking body that's falling apart and he's made it all about him.

He doesn't help with the baby. In addition to breastfeeding, I pump and bottle feed so that I can have some help. I still feed him 95% of the time, change 98% of the diapers, am always the one holding him when he's fussy, and I am the one who gets up with him every time at night. He does wash at least half of the bottles for me and do the laundry, but I am the one doing all of our dishes. He's been laid off for months, so the "he provides for us, so I'm okay with doing everything" isn't true anymore.

I'm just so fucking depressed and I don't have any self worth. I didn't have any before my baby was born, but if possible, it's worse now. My baby is the absolute only reason that I'm still allowing myself to breathe anymore. I'm not going to leave him without a mother just because I have no will to live.

My SO was always a little selfish, but he did love me and did provide for me. Now, all he ever does is run me down. He doesn't help me at all, no matter how exhausted I am. I know he doesn't love me anymore and I'm really feeling like I don't love him anymore because he's become a completely different person and honestly, I feel like he's a bad person.

But I guess all I can do right now is suck it up and deal with it. My baby has two parents that love him and he's too young to understand the awful things his father says to me. I just wish I could do something about it. But I can't. I'm sorry for this long post. I just needed to rant to someone. If you're still reading, thank you for getting through this long, whiney post.