I dont know if i can do this anymore
I have always had anxiety but lately it is at an all time high. A huge trigger is bugs. My husband, daughter and I just moved into a new place and about 2 weeks ago figured out that we have roaches. Its an old building and there has to be some dirty people that live near us. I literally don't feel safe here anymore. I wont eat here. I wont shower here. I can't sleep. They sprayed last week and we are now seeing more than ever. We are in a 16 month lease. I feel like I am trapped. I had a fuckin panic attack last night after seeing a big one. I was so out of control that my husband had to leave work. When he came home, i made him do stuff around the apartment because i just get so overwhelmed.
Another trigger is work. I literally have so much stuff to do that i put it off and i cant focus on things. Im a manager so i need to get this stuff done but i am drowning.
I have been irrational with my husband. He asks me one thing and i snap like a crazy person. I conciously know that i shouldnt do it but it keeps coming out of my mouth like i have no control. Same with my daughter. She is 14 months. I know she is going to misbehave but her crying and getting into things makes me want to run away and hide. I dont know what to do. Im out of my mind.I need help but cant afford help. I need help but dont have the time for help. I need help but I'm afraid of strangers. I need help but nobody except my husband can see that i am falling apart.
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