once again I feel like this

I have a really bad cold and my fever isn't going away. I decided to go through my saved stories on snapchat so it could help me fall asleep. I scrolled all the way down and I found pictures and videos of my ex. The pictures didn't really do anything but the videos did. Once I heard his voice, his laugh. The way he said my name. Oh god I miss him so much. I was doing so good. It about to be two months since we broke up and I was doing so good. Random crying stopped. I wasn't thinking about him. I was doing great. Every time I missed him I would just think how much of an emotional pain this relationship caused. The emotional abused.  He hasn't the best to me yet I miss him like an idiot. He was my first (sexually) ever. He was my best friend. Sometimes at work I'll smile just because I rather not cry. Someone mentioned that I might be a little heartbroken that  I rather not show it because it's a sign of weakness. How transparent can I be? I miss him so much but he was an ass in that sense. He was manipulative, emotionally abussive, controlling. Ugh I miss that asshole. I'm sorry guys, I just really needed to vent