want a boyfriend..

I'm 17, 18 in a few months and I've never had a boyfriend. I haven't even held hands with a boy before lol. I know it's not abnormal and "i don't need a boyfriend to be happy" but idk, I just want to experience it at least for a little while and I want to know what it's like to feel loved because I don't love myself and I never have. I know people say that you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself but I feel even less validated and less beautiful knowing that boys don't like me. I like a guy who's a bit older than me and I don't see him that much because he doesn't go to my school. I find him so attractive and cool but I have so much trouble talking to him because I have extreme social anxiety ESPECIALLY when it comes to boys, even ones I don't find attractive and it's so frustrating. I go to therapy for anxiety/depression and I told my therapist about this and she advised me to try to talk to boys I don't necessarily find cute but it's basically a physical ailment and I physically cannot talk to them without stuttering, blushing, or talking in completely incoherent sentences. I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but if you do and have been able to overcome it or anyone who just has advice would be super nice and helpful. I just literally always think about this stuff and it drives me crazy because I don't know how to fix it!!