So long story short, I have ALWAYS worried about my weight always. I have dealt with eating disorders since I was 12. It all started when a older guy in grade 8 said I was chubby when I was in grade 7. I starved myself went for help. Got better for a little while then I started to binge and Puke went into help. Got it under control after 4 years. As I got older my health started being more important. I have never really been a big person but I have it in my head that I have to be thin and it's constantly on my mind it ruin days because all I think about is my weight. I just had my second son may 2016. I was 127lbs before I got pregnant with my first son he was born feb 2015. My body has literally never ever ever been the same. Sometimes I can forget about it but I always notice my arms underneath and my stomach and my legs and I want to cry. I never ever had stretch marks before I ever had kids I am about 150lbs but I can't seem to loose anymore weight. I am just venting but I am so down I could cry I hate my body I hate that I can't fit into my old jeans. I hate that I don't ever feel confident anymore. I wonder what I would be like if I just didn't give a shit. I don't even liketo bath anymore cause I hate my stomach. When I shower I don't even like the light on.  Like I can feel old habits in my head. Like I was doing so good and not caring for a little while now it's always on my mind. I believe mentally I will never kick it. My mom had problems I grew up with my mom never eating she was 100lbs when she got married. Just recently she started eating. But my whole life my mom had issues. I am sorry this is so lon. I am just so down😞