I feel like I've hit bottom...Need help!

I don't even remember what my son did last night. I just remember him crying and crying and crying for who knows why. At one point I made a point to say to his face "I don't like you very much right now"...Which I felt bad afterwards because my husband told me not to say that but I felt like he needed to know.

This morning my son started crying while I was changing his diaper, getting him ready to go to daycare. While holding him he kept arching and moving his head back. After a few minutes I had a gut feeling that he was crying for his daddy.

Before I had my husband take him my son pinched me. It hurt so bad I spanked/patted his leg one time. I couldn't help myself. My husband held him and my son stopped crying.

I feel like such a bad mother. That's one thing but another is I feel like my son bonds way better with my husband and loves him more. I've felt that way for a long time - that daddy's funnier, daddy's more fun to play with, etc.

When I dropped him off at daycare this morning, I didn't hold him just a little longer, or kiss him. I just handed him over to the caretaker and left. What kind of mother gets mad at their kids like that? I have no right to be a mom.

As I sit here writing this while crying, I feel like I've failed on so many levels. And that I've hit rock bottom: I don't like my son, and my son doesn't like me. I don't think I've ever felt this disconnected.