guilty about not being happy

January 9 2017 i found out i was expecting which was a total shock because we were so careful and used protection but regardless i was happy Jan 18 i had a mc and i was devastated but in my head i kept telling myself that god knew it wasnt my time yet.Today is March 9 and I havnt gotten my period since the mc and i figured my cycle is just messed up.Mid feb i took a hpt to make sure everything was cleared and my test came back negative.Today my gut told me to take a test even thou i was 10000 percent sure it was negative and to my suprise 2 lines popped up in a matter of a second.I know some woman are dying to have children and have such a hard time and I am sitting here crying because Im not ready.I feel so much guilt in me that its killinh me.