Feeling a sense of regret
Before I had my daughter, I always told myself I wanted to be a mom by age 25. Idk why I wanted to but I had it all planned that I was going to have a baby with my boyfriend and live apart. I say live apart because I don't want to live with a male for other personal reasons.
So after my 24th birthday it was time to start planning my pregnancy. At the time I was dealing with my ex boyfriend pf 7 years and I had also just met a guy. I planned on having my baby with my ex because we always talk about it.
Well I got pregnant before when I wanted to start and I didn't know who my child's father was because it happen so quick. I did know it was either my ex or the new guy. So I had my baby girl and my baby belongs so the new guy. But now I wish I ever met him.
I met the new guy at the zoo while he was with his other daugnters. Now mind you he has 3 daughters before my baby all with different women. I feel like I wasn't being very smart with him when I met him because all the warning signs were there.
Now I'm stuck raising my baby alone. Now this is not what I wanted with for my baby. The situation with the new guy is so hard to deal with it's always drama. It emotionally stress me out.
I smoke weed every day maybe even twice a day because I feel so hopeless. I feel lonely and this is not how I wanted things to be. My daughters father does not help me fincially with my daughter. He does not provide or protect her. He missed all the first important stages in her life. I wanted to share the moments with some one. I hate feeling lonely.
I work 40 hours a week and I just enrolled back in school. Between work and now school I'm trying to keep busy to not focus on it but it's so distracting that it affects my moods while at work. I hate that I randomly cry from this stress.
I feel like I can't talk to my friends cause their so judgmental because I had a baby with a random guy and the have families with guys they been with for a while. I'm also jealous that they have that. I feel like I went about having a baby the wrong way.
I want this feeling to go away.
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