Heartbroken

I'm so sad and all I do is just cry. Waiting to ttc is killing me. When he decided to wait for us it broke my heart and I can't get over it. Sex isn't the same and I feel less. I don't feel like it's sex we have now bc he just jacks off to my body and I feel like I don't feel good to him anymore and that's why he only jacks off on me and I don't feel as close to him anymore. I miss him and our connection we had during sex. It doesn't feel good for me anymore. I'm hurting so much and I've told him but all he said was I'm sorry and I love you nothing else. I know he just lost a job and is looking for another second job but I just feel like I'm getting pushed away plus my heartbreak I'm just an emotional wreck and I'm really struggling with this. I want kids so bad and for him to just make a decision without talking to me still really hurts and my heart hurts so bad from it. How do I get better and not care about if sex feels good? How can I stop wanting a family? I need help and he's doing nothing for me. Idk what to do anymore. I'm tired of crying about this and I just want this pain to stop. I'm alone in this, I don't have friends. All I have is my boyfriend and he isn't doing anything to help me

I'll add I'm 28 and he's 33 with 2 kids from previous relationships so I feel like he doesn't know what this heartbreak feels like