Completely Frustrated
I got up today, put on my black maternity shirt and jeans. I thought, "hey, I actually look pregnant and not like a fat behemoth."
Until someone snapped a few pictures of me.
I have 6 weeks until I give birth. The baby is so low it aches and is just plain uncomfortable to walk for long periods of time. I moved some bookshelves today, and I had to catch my breath. Maddening. Extremely maddening. My type A personality is fighting with this child.
My face looks so round. My belly isn't perfectly round so it just looks like I'm more overweight than I already was even with a belly band. The pictures of me and my son has made me want to hide. I fear I'll never get back to a decent weight. And it just makes me wanna cry. I feel like I'm always hot and waddling everywhere.
What's worse? My husband comes in 24 hours from now. We haven't been together in a while. He's working. He's gonna want sex. I want sex. But the idea of him even seeing me makes me wanna hide in a hole. (He's never told me I'm anything but beautiful. But I'm seriously beyond insecure right now.)
In the next few days, I have my husband coming in, a job interview I can't seem to find anything decent to wear, and a baby shower I was looking forward to until I realize everyone is just gonna see how huge I am.
I feel completely overwhelmed. I wore black
today to try and help me feel a little smaller.
Just needed to vent. I love this little life I'm carrying. I just hate the way I look. And I feel like everyone else sees me as fat and lazy.
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