Depressed words of encouragement needed

Mina
I've been trying to get pregnant for 4 months, and every time I take a test it comes out negative, I recently gave up and at the beginning of this month started birth control to regulate me period and help with my horrid cramps, my fiancé comes in me when we have sex still and we just say that if it happenes it happens, becuase trying and failing will kill you😞 I've been having brown spotting for 3 days with cramps and sore breasts but who knows becuase I could just be the birth control my period should start the 28th but again who knows, I just took a test and it came out negative even though it's too early I didn't wanna wait, I don't know why I even still get my hopes up I just wanna cry and I don't know what to do I was fertile the 10th-15th and we had sex everyday and he came in me every time, but I started birth control on the 5th so there's probably no chance at this point I'm just like whatever and I'll stay on birth control till I tell myself to get off it but at the end of the day I just want too for once see that second line😭