TRIGGER WARNING I feel disgusting

So I was recently watching the 13 reasons why show on netflix. And this happens with ever show ive watched. But everytime theres a rape scene or forced sex or something it turns me on. And i feel fucking awful because i would never wish that on anyone or myself. Its always turned me on and i cant help it but idk. I hate that it turns me on. And i want my boyfriend to "force" himself on me but i would never ask him to. Idk ive got a lot of fetishes but this one bothers me the most. Am i a horrible person?