Scared partner... waiting so long


Does anyone relate? Does anyone have a significant other that agreed to ttc and now is "denying access"? So, I've never been a pusher when it comes to my relationship. "We" waited to get married, "we" waited to get a house and "we" waited to get dogs. Now I am having an o shhhhhh moment because I am almost 33 and still no kids.

I got off birth control about 2 years ago because of some medical issues (first stages of cervical cancer). I'm ok ladies buy that scare was enough for him to start to realize that life is precious and not to waste time.

I've never felt old, never had grey hairs, never had back pain, never had those freak out moments where you feel like you are running out of time.

In the last week... I have. These last 2 weeks I've been OVERLY emotional. I've always been on the emotional side but now it's like I'm crying everything I think about missing out.

Yes we have been off of birth control but no we aren't really trying... we aren't really having sex during the ovulating time... we kind of were just trying to let it happen.

Last Saturday, as we were starting, I mentioned using the preseed (just ordered and haven't used yet). He immediately stopped and walked away. Obviously now I know I shouldn't have mentioned it.

We don't fight often, but the last time we fought, he showed signs of being scared/not wanting to move forward. His reasoning was wanting to be ready and pay things off but we have been waiting and paying things off for years. No one is ever really ready and now I'm worried that I might be running out of time.

Back story: 9-10 years to get married, 3 more years to get a house and now he's kinda putting on the breaks again...

Sorry for the long rant but any thoughts?

Please be kind, I am emotional.