Almost 2 years and getting discouraged
So I've been using glow for about a year now. My cousin struggled to conceive for a year before she found glow, it helped her conceive so she recommended it to me. I decided we'd tried for a year, it couldn't hurt. Well even with using glow something wasn't adding up. My periods were erratic, short, and very light. Very unusual for me. So I went to our doctor after 16 months with no luck to see if we could find out what the problem is. I have unexplained infertility. I'm not ovulating at all. This explains why we had zero luck getting pregnant.
So over a few weeks and after a multitude of tests we decided to try a combination of provera, to force my period, and chlomid to force ovulation. I was over the moon. I had heard so many success stories for chlomid that I thought "surely this would be our time." Well, the first round of chlomid I had such high hopes, even after not getting any positive opks at home. I thought "surely I'm just testing at the wrong times and I missed my window. No problem we BD every other day from AF end to AF stats just to be safe."
I go in on day 21 for the progesterone level test. I was positive I'd get that phone call telling me "hey! It's ok, you ovulated, just keep trying." Instead I was told the chlomid had failed. We did not ovulate. I was crushed, but I told myself it'd be ok. That next time it would be our turn. Round two of chlomid. I convinced myself again that I was just missing the opk test window. Even testing multiple times a day. But no, I didn't miss my window. The chlomid failed again. I want to request a stronger dosage for round three, but if two rounds failed then what is the chance that a third will succeed? Everything is just taking its toll on us. I cry most days now. I cried unreasonably and woke husband up last night because he was exhausted after a very trying day at work and having to work over and he fell asleep before I even made it upstairs.
I was upset because he fell asleep, we hadn't BD in two days, and I really just needed some comfort because I had a rough day as well. I felt hurt that he'd rather sleep than spend time with me. That was not the case as I can rationally admit but I was anything but rational at the time. My wonderful, sweet, caring husband understood. He woke up, he held me, he comforted me, and once I was calm and content again he initiated BD, and made me even happier.
I felt horrible that I'd woken him, but I was having a break down. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful man as my husband. Emotionally this ttc for so long and having medical proof that I am the problem is becoming all together too much at times. We both want to conceive so badly, but I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. I posted today in hopes of maybe hearing chlomid stories both successes and failures and to maybe get a little emotional support to help me cope and get through this. I posted anonymous because I am a coward and don't really liketo publicly talk about my failure. I'm a woman, this is one thing I am supposed to be able to do naturally in this relationship. I would gladly and happily do it, but for some reason my body had betrayed me and I have failed at what I consider to be the greatest achievement of my life. If you haven't guessed by now children are very important to us.
I know there are others who have tried much longer and struggled more. I feel just as bad for them, believe me. I don't think that makes my own struggle any less important though. I may not have gone through what others have, but I still feel the pain, and disappointment, and guilt of not being able to concieve that much wanted child.
I'm just feeling very down, and I need some help getting back up.
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