afraid he won't be great during labor?

Question

My fiancé isnt the super lovey dovey supportive type :/ he was there for me during my miscarriage and helped me through the pain. But I just have this stupid fear that he won't be super great when I'm in labor :( I don't want to be upset when I'm in labor because he's being a jerk. Let's be honest I want him to be 100% focused on me. I know our moms will be taking turns in there with us but I want him to be supportive I don't want to be only getting it from our moms. I know my SIL will literally slap him if he's not being supportive or if she seen ANY inkling of me being upset over something. She's been my friend for twelve years. But has anyone else had his fear and their SO surprised them by being fantastic ?

Answer

Talk to him about what you need in the delivery room

Answer

I would suggest the two of you take a birthing class together so he can learn specific ways to support you. Also write out a list for him, things you would like him to do and things you don't want him to do.
For example: Do give me sips of water, rub my back, help me walk, stand, kneel etc
Don't be on your phone, don't complain about being tired or hungry, don't just sit there.
Your list will be personal to you and you should do research about the type of birth you want and then fill him in.

Answer

I think he'll surprise you.

But cut him some slack. Birth is pretty emotional for men too. He may find himself overwhelmed at the whole thing. Seeing you in a new light... in an incredibly intense situation... his baby fixin to enter the world.... the feeling of being helpless during the whole situation... he may start having some unexpected feelings that he's never felt before and he may not know how to handle that. So just keep that in mind... maybe let him know that a simple touch of the hand or an "I love you" whisper is enough when everything starts to get crazy. If he needs fresh air in the middle of the whole process, don't hate on him too much. Birth doesn't just affect the mom...

My poor husband was my coach, my rock, my support system.... we didn't have any family there. He was trying to hold my hand, calm me down, keep my breathing steady, make sure the nurses were taking care of me and the baby... it's no wonder he had to step out of the room for some fresh air a few times. He even got grumpy and pissed in the middle of it all (it was 34 hours of labor.... stress levels were high for everyone) I don't remember any of that though lol I was too busy trying to have a baby to remember him breaking down. And if I had been in his shoes, I'm not sure if I could have done all he did without breaking down once as well.

Answer

My partner is the same, doesn't know how to cope with others pain or sickness very well 😂
I've just been bringing up the labour in different situations, like if we are driving so he doesn't feel attacked and ask him if he has any concerns or worries and ive been letting him know that I will need a lot of support from him especially as we both do not know what it will be like. From that he seems to understand, whether or not it helps we won't know until the time comes ☺️☺️ hope that helps

Answer

Sounds like you need a doula.

Answer

Yes my hubby surprised me, he let me lean over and hold him and told me to breath and what not. He did everything I asked. After though he just wanted to sleep....I had to tell him to do things otherwise he'd lay there or w/e

Answer

My husband had no idea what to do when I was in labor. I wish he had been a little more into it. But maybe this time since he knows what to expect more he'll be better. But I was frustrated that he was kinda useless.

Answer

I don't have this fear. But I also feel like our birth class helped us speak about a lot of things ahead of time. I know he's going to be awesome! I also know I'll likely get annoyed at some point, but that doesn't mean it's his fault. 😊

afraid he won't be great during labor?

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