don't ignore your instincts

I just wanted to share something. I'm not here to worry people or tell you facts but i wish i'd have seen a post like this sooner.

Long story short- 33yo been ttc for a long time (years not months) had one failed round of ivf in dec 16 and then got my bfp 3 weeks ago after a frozen embryo transfer.

Knew i was pregnant 5 days before official test date. I was so excited that i trusted my instincts and took a test early. Sure enough got my confirmation with a dark frer test and digital on my official test date.

Booked an early scan for 6wks4days.

Had some real symptoms at the start. abdomen twinges, sore nipples, strong sense of smell and queasiness, struggling to sleep yet waking up early every day before alarm and spending ths day very fatigued.

Anyway my symptoms never really picked up. No morning sickness or nausea, boobs were only intermittently sore and twinges stopped after 5wks when i had this stabbing piercing pain concentrated on the left hand side almost like my ovary was throbbing. Entered the data into glow and it said this could be a sign of ectopic. Of course with an ivf transfer the embryo can travel to the fallopian tube. Tried to brush it off and not think but the lack of growing symptoms and that pain made me panic. Every person i spoke to told me not to worry (including fertility team and my GP) but i still had a sneaking suspision that something was wrong. I think we always know our own bodies even if we dont wanna believe it.

My husband was so excited i stuck on a brave face and assumed we'd be ok.

At my scan they could not find anything in my uterus.

Like nothing at all.

Had bloods taken to check hcg levels. Pretty sure it is an ectopic that sponteneously aborted itself. They reckon it's either this or a chemical pregnancy that never progressed past 5 wks.

I am absolutely devastated but i just wish i had insisted on bloods - one on my official test date and one a week later. Then i wouldnt have had to sit through a scan with a silent room looking jn desperation for a baby that doesnt exist with a husband that sat there utterly devastated, face ashen and unresponsive. 

It was the worst day of my life.

I am going back in shortly to have my fallopian tubes double checked and then they'll allow me to induce a bleed.

Anyway the moral of the story is listen to your instincts. This applies just as much to those who feel positive but allow doubt to creep in. Go with your gut. 

Morning sickness is a sign of a healthy pregnancy - dont ignore a lack of symptoms. Of course, not everyone has them but always worth getting checked out.

Good luck to everyone trying. 

I am now trying for my rainbow baby after my loss. 

🎈🎈🎈🎈