baby blues? tired? idk..

I feel weak, frustrated, ugly, not good enough, tired, fat you name it... I know my hormones are everywhere right now and it sucks. I feel like I I'm not being a good mom when my son cries and I don't know what else he wants. My milk hasn't come in yet my boobs are killing me and it fucking hurts when he is eating. Then what sucks even more is my SO getting mad because I want to give formula as well as breastfeeding. I don't give him enough and he will ask for more, there's nothing for me to do other than give him formula and satisfied my baby. I'm not saying I don't want to give him my breast because I do but I also want to give him a bottle, without being looked and hearing shit from anyone specially my SO. I know it's only been 5 days since he's been born but damn I didn't know it was going to take all of me. I love him more than anything it's just this hormones making me feel like shit, I even have to lock myself in the restroom to let all my tears out and not let them see me weak.. if it's baby blues I hope they go away any day because it completely sucksssss😓