prom nightmare!!! and family destress!!!
I got prom on the 19th and it's been a disaster these past few weeks
I have had people lie to me and I've been feeling stressed because
I do throwing for my track and field team
And my sister did as well
Well she was a state champ her junior year
And my dad only pays attention to her. I am only 2 years younger and even though I'm on that team and trying he still doesn't care
Even after she went to college he went to every one of her meets going all over the country
And you wanna know what he told me he told me
"Don't expect me to make it to any of your meets In college"
Like I didn't feel enough in my siblings shadows
But he does this
I'm afraid I won't make it to states as she did and let alone win
I have a half fractured throwing hand and a splintered back
And state qualifiers are in just 2 weeks
I'm the youngest of 4 and everyone treats me as the little baby sister who will always be a child
I hate it
I tried to kill myself 6 different times in the past week in a half alone
I'm so depressed that I'm at the point that I'm about to crack
That I'm gonna let go from any feelings and become soulless
My friends are no help considering that this year they started with assigned seating for prom and they told me sorry but we decided not to let you sit with us because we have no room when there was still 4 sets at their table open
My eldest brother talked with me and told me that I have the biggest heart and that out of anyone in this entire world I deserve to be happy that I deserve to do what drives me
Go and make art and make the world a better place
But I just don't believe him
I'm scared
I'm scared of being killed in my sleep by my own sister who has altmost killed me physically many times that I've lost count
But mentally I've already been dead for a very long time
I just am at the point that I have so many walls up that they will never come down
And my 2nd eldest brother is in Texas and he's the only person who I've ever been able to lower my walls to but I never see him and it's just hard
I love my art
I'm a photographer but I love throwing it's just I suck at both and my whole family sees me as nothing more that a child in the background who is to be told what to do when she's told to do it
And I e had enough
It's just I
I just
I just don't know what to do
Some photos that I took and that I put on my phone to send to people 
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