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I feel like a horrible person
So maybe some people will remember a few earlier posts about how I had a miscarriage when I didn't even know I was pregnant (my boyfriend posted here worried about my initial reaction). Anyways I'm starting to feel like the worst kind of person. I've been feeling so guilty about getting pregnant (my birth control stopped being effective and I didn't notice the signs) and then I feel guilty about losing the child. I've been trying to work through this in my head but this morning I was feeling horrible about losing the child and this thought popped into my head that at least I lost the baby. My boyfriend and I aren't ready for a child (we would've done our hardest to be ready if we had to- we wouldn't have aborted the pregnancy). So now I'm just feel horrible because part of me feels glad that I'm not pregnant. I still feel so horrible about losing my child but there's a like a tiny voice in the back of my head saying it's ok and that I didn't want a baby anyway.
Has anyone ever felt this? Does this make me a horrible person? A horrible future mother? I don't have any friends that have been through a miscarriage so I have no one to ask for help. I don't even know how to tell my boyfriend about these feelings and I don't want him to think I'm a nasty human being. I mean how can you be sad over losing a child and still part of you is relieved that you did? I just really need some help. Thank you