First I want to say this is meant for every woman, child, and even man (I know there a few on here) who has ever been hurt by someone they loved! Heart break, abuse, assualt, or even just not having enough love from a parent. I hope this helps you know everything the title says.

I am adding this anonymously because I unfortunately have to be careful to hide from an abuser.

Here is my story:

I married the first man I ever loved. I married him even though he scared me, even though he wanted me to change and didn't like who I was and told me exactly what a horrible person he thought I was. I married him despite my mother's urging that he wasn't right for me. I married him despite the bruises and the put downs and the fact that his family let me know I wasn't good enough every chance they got.

Now I didn't rush into marriage either. That makes this even more sad honestly. I didn't see my worth and I didn't think I could do any better. I thought this was love and love means sacrifice. I was so busy convincing myself that this was good and that I didn't want to be like my parents that I couldn't see the growing signs of trouble.

The first time he hit me he thought I was cheating. The first time he raped me he was drunk and it was a party I invited him to. The first time he gave me to another person to be used I had told him maybe I'd be ok with a threesome.

The last time he hit me I knew I had to protect my unborn child. The last time he raped me I knew he was always drinking. The last time he gave me to another person I knew that person treated me better than he ever would.

The time he broke my heart by asking for a divorce was the biggest blessing I ever was granted!

I made excuses for every thing he ever did! I thought I deserved it. The men in my life always told me I was not what I should be. I made myself crazy trying to be perfect so I didn't cause another incident. I knew I could be better, do better!

I was right I could do better! Just not with him... Because I was not at fault! I wasn't to blame! He was!

He hit me! He raped me! He gifted me out!

I loved the wrong person. I got a beautiful child out of it, a child who is now possibly being abused. A child who deserves me to shout out from the tree tops to make sure it is known what he did and does and that it is not OK!

I will not be silent any more! I will not feel ashamed any more!

I deserve love and so does my baby. We are the lucky ones! There is still more work to be done but we are here and able to fight back. We have love! We will survive!