16 & over weight.

I've been over weight my whole life. Since I was little I remember I was the not huge but chuncky chubby cheeked little girl with a attitude to big for me. I remember being little I felt like everyone was looking at me and making fun of me so I set this attitude for myself. I didn't back down when kids made fun of me I made them wish they hadn't. People
Made comments and they still do but once they realize I'm Not the person to just let them say things to me and get away with it they back down. I know I'm fat, chubby,chunky, weird looking, big, huge, rolly Polly what ever it is you want to call me. But I don't think anybody should have to take those words from people. I don't think it's ok. I use food to cope with my feelings and I HATE it. I hate that I've gotten to be the person I am today. I feel useless. I've tried the gym, diets and everything else but I can't seem to stay on track. I've tried. I am always so busy I and so tired that I get off track. I have a 4-H steer which I spend about 5 hours a day with and then I go and spend 3
More at night. & healthy food is expensive. My family is very poor. I keep telling myself I need to get back on track but I keep falling
Off. I've gotten so self conscious I take 2 hours to pick out my clothes and when I do I just stand in the mirror disgusted at myself. Most the time I take a video on my phone
To see if I look as ugly as I'm seeing in the
Mirror. It just breaks me down every morning.