To my friends who got pregnant first try, while I’m on the outsides still trying…

I’m genuinely happy for you, I really am…but I also ache in pain.

Seeing pictures of all your beautiful children on Facebook makes me smile, but also crushes my heart.

Sometime, I want it delete you as a friend on Facebook, not because I don’t love you, but because it’s too hard to see your happy family, while I feel like I’m living under a dark cloud.

I will sit through all of your baby showers, I will buy the best present, I will smile at all the right moments, but I won’t be happy about it.

When you have the baby, I will do my very best to be happy for your new life as a mom, but it’s not easy, so I may not always be the most supportive.

When you complain about how hard parenting is, I promise to do my best to sympathize, even though I crave those problems so badly.

I can’t help it, but I’m jealous of your life. I’m jealous of all the play dates, the new friendships, the inside jokes, and everything I feel like I’m missing. I want that so badly, but it’s not your fault that I can’t have it.

When you talk about your kids when we’re together, I want to WANT to hear about then, but it just makes me sad….sometimes it’s easier to not be around you. I feel terrible about that, but I genuinely don’t know how to change it.

I wish that for just a second, you could know how hard it was to get your hopes up each month, only to be shutdown by a period slap in the face….then eventually to lose hope all together.

I wish we could go to dinner, and things would go back to normal.