Telling friends who are struggling with infertility?

Question

Hi all, just wondering if anyone has advice about sharing your pregnancy with friends and family who are struggling with infertility. I feel really nervous and upset, because I know the news will be conflicting to someone I love.

Answer

My SIL struggled with infertility, meanwhile we got pregnant twice. I think it's best to tell privately, low key by phone.  That way they don't have to fake a smile for a long time in person. You can keep it somewhat quick and then they have time after to gather their feelings.

Answer

Thanks everyone! I guess a little background would be that the person I'm telling is my best friend, who lives in another state. I'm planning on doing it over the phone and keeping it short so she can process her feelings privately. Its hard because I love her so much, and my heart has felt so heavy for her during her journey to conceive. It kills me to know how unfair it is, and I want to be as sensitive as possible.

Answer

I wouldn't do it in person. They will be happy for you but in person is forcing them to hold themselves together in front of you instead of giving them time to process on their own.  You'll never understand what they are going through so just don't pretend to. I'm pregnant with my 2nd IVF baby now, so yes, I've been there and it isn't fun.

Answer

I was the family member struggling (8 years no luck) and had two family members announce their pregnancies within two weeks of each other. They did it around all the family and believe me, I wanted to run home so I could cry. I was happy for them of course but it was definitely hard with more people around and trying to not let it get to you. I know my husband even hurry glanced at me because he knew I would be sad. So if you think it would be better in private I would do so so they can gather their thoughts. But best advice I can say is give them time afterwards because even though I know they'll be happy for you, it's still very hard to hear and have to prepare your mind from being mad,sad then acceptance, to happyniess.

Answer

Their level of hurt can't be avoided. My little sister said she was mad, because she had just miscarried (she told my mom on phone, we don't live close and aren't close). I just realized she had pain she was having a hard time dealing with, and left the ball in her court, and didn't get offended. There's nothing much you can do. Maybe if you're real close to them tell them in private, so they don't feel "embaressed" in any way-- I've heard when being told in large groups women tend to have a harder time, but that's only what I've heard.

Telling friends who are struggling with infertility?

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